I was explaining to him my upcoming trip to The Shepherd Center. I went over my primary goals and then I said, “I know it’s a bit far fetched but one therapist believes I could gain the ability to stand with three months of lokomotive training. “ 

Then there was a silence that over took the airways. 

He responded, “You know what? Wow. Before you just said that,  do you know what I thought was even more far fetched? I would of never thought the term FAR FETCHED would be in Leo Hodson’s vocabulary.”

more silence.

His statement felt like a spear going into my side. It wasn’t because I had let a close friend down, a friend who looks up to me for strength but he was right. When did far fetched become part of my vocabulary?…….and how? Have I grown comfortable with being wheelchair bound? Have I replaced independence for recovery? Where did that young man who said NO to the surgeons go? Who said NO to the ventilator.  Who said NO to the doctors, who soared through all their expectations. Where has he gone? 

Does he still exist?

YES, I do. I will not be content with mediocracy. Nothing is far fetched. If your goals are far fetched, you need not to re adjust your goals but readjust yourself. Christ says, “for truly I say to you, if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there, ’ and it will move; and nothing will be impossible to you.” (Matthew 17:20)

“nothing will be impossible to you.”

I believe and I will persist on this road. I believe I can divide this mountain and I believe you can divide your mountains. “pray without ceasing.” (1 Thessalonians 5:17)

As I lie on the hospital bed, feeling tired, beaten down, I tell myself,
“Leo, you are not afraid to die”
….and I’m not, I just don’t want to, not here anyways, not today.

I am alone for a moment. No nurses, no certified nursing assistants, no dad, no brother, no sisters, no visitors, just me…..until…..She walked in. I thought to myself, I am not afraid of her but truthfully, I was horrified.

She is a murderer, a mass murderer at that. Since she began, she’s probably killed thousands, hundreds of thousands, who am I kidding? She’s killed millions. She has no mercy whatsoever. She has killed children, sisters, mothers, grandparents and now she is here for me. How did she sneak in? I begin to yell for a nurse but she has already covered my mouth with her hand. “shhhhhhhh, it’s okay” she whispers calmly. She leans in and kisses me on the lips. Her cold, dewey breath lingers down my windpipe and stabs my left lung. then stabs it again. She pulls away but before she leaves, she turns around and in a belittling, dark tone she mutters, “spinal cord injuries.” The door slams shut. I sit up in the bed, drowsy and out of breath. To my left is the IV dripping stand. They are pumping two different kinds of chemicals into my body to fight off her grasp. I think to myself before I drift, “Is this how my mom felt? one moment everythings fine, then in the next, you cant breath. the anxiety. the fear. oh mom i miss you with every micro fiber that is inside me.” This is where I prayed, a private prayer, only to God. I believed in every word that escaped my mouth and I believe He heard every letter that traveled from them. The hospital room is like any other American hospital room. Bed. Window. IV drip machine. Television. Sink. Chart. Calendar. Tiled floor. Beeping. Beeping. Beeping. Beep. Beep. Sleep.

I know what I have read (documents about the surgery, the intensive eight week rehabilitation process, the purposes of undergoing a dual bicep tendon transfer)

I know what I have heard (from the surgeon, from those who have undergone the procedure, from therapist, from doctors)

I know what I have seen (the scars, their arms moving in ways I can’t move mine, medical pictures)

I believe this: this decision is the next step in progression towards my independence. I do not know what God has in store for me but I do feel this longing to push, not only myself and not only a chair, but all of you, to be stronger, more confident, more independent, to be a kinder, selfless individual.

Pray for me if you will.

Atlanta bound less than 24 hours.

I will be leading a seminar on Role Models at the 2011 NCASC State Convention on Saturday, October 22nd at Asheboro High School.

Lastly, I have dove head first into a stand up comedy competition in Greensboro, NC at the Idiot Box. I have survived round one and will continue to the next round.

If this writing post seems bland, that is because it is. I have exhausted all my creative writing energies into joke writing. I apologize. I love all of you very much. Please keep me in your prayers.

Please also pray for Parker, Garret, Joshua, Darren, Girard, Jasmine, Tommy, Danny, Daniel, Taylor, Ory and Emmy for the continual healing of their bodies.

Take care.